Hearing loss is a common hazard of our profession. To make up for the lack of auditory aptitude, flight attendants have been afforded a special "seventh sense", that comes in handy on a daily basis. As cave dwelling animals adapt to "see" in darkness, we develop a keen eye for high maintenance passengers; able to locate them from almost a mile away. You know who you are...you "decaf coffee with skim milk (is it hot, is it fresh?) in a separate glass with a half packet of Equal...oh, how about an orange juice...no ice (after we bring it to you) I'll have a water as well" people. "Oh wait...did I mention that I want that water with no ice, and in about an hour and twelve minutes?" How did you become that way? Did your mother teach you that...or were your first words "I want that ba-ba at 6pm warm, but not too warm, with a side of pureed peaches; not from the jar with that rosy cheeked baby on it, but freshly plucked from the tree (when the sun sets over the big scoop in my sandbox) and mashed by hand for approximately twenty minutes." When she brought it to you, did you say "oh, and I'd like a hand mashed cooked carrot as well, but not right now, in a few minutes after my mobile makes five more rotations."
If you are in denial that I might be talking about you, try asking yourself the following questions...
1. Do you always insist on a bulkhead seat?
2. Do you often ring your call button to have an empty plastic cup picked up? (This also applies to a napkin, shred of paper, or an atom that you split during the flight.)
3. Do you wait until the hungry flight attendant serving you has finished their work for a moment, and the tip of their fork approaches their lips, to ask for a newspaper, blanket, or bottle of water?
4. Do you walk onboard and dangle your coat like bait on a fishing pole- expecting someone with ten things in their hands to snap it up for immediate closet stowage?
5. Do you ask for three or more drinks at one time?
6. Do you order special meals for reasons other than medical?
7. Do you come to the rear (or front) of the aircraft during boarding and ask for a glass of water for a pill (palm open, pill displayed)?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are high maintenance and/or annoying to people who deal with you. Might I suggest a reality trip to a third world country as your next vacation.
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