Air Vent: Dress for your Destination

So glad you enjoyed your week in paradise.  Now, when the real world beckons and you are ready to fly home, please keep a few things in mind.  There was a reason you fled south during the winter...home was an arctic tundra.  Your spaghetti strap tank top and flip flops are not going to morph into a parka and Uggs when the plane touches down on home turf.  You need to dress according to your destination...or at the very least, pack a sweater, a snuggie, a tent (?), something to cover those "ta-ta's".  That hat you wore from your igloo to the airport would be a wonderful addition to your deplaning ensemble, and such a comfort to your poor scalp.  I'm guessing just a week ago it was happily hidden by a glorious mane of minimally processed hair...but that was before the Bo Derek braids.  Now it looks more like a pink patchwork quilt nestled between rows of fuzzy, broken, barbed wire fence hair.  So when in doubt, pack clothes you can layer, and remember next time...a postcard is a much more effective and painless way to brag about vacation.

Air Vent: Off the Wall...

Unless you are a hobbit, there are only a few public places you should be seen barefoot.  The beach, swimming pool, nail salon, podiatrist's office...that's pretty much it.  On the airplane, at your seat, it's socially acceptable to slip off your shoes and get comfy.  Should you decide to wander in flight, or use the lavatory, slip those shoes back on first.  Would you walk into a "port-a-potty" or public restroom in your socks?  When the floor is wet in an airplane lavatory, water is not the most likely culprit.  Even the most deft man can lose sight of his target in turbulence.

If you really feel the need to exercise your inner hobbit, there are a few guidelines to follow:

1.  No onboard clipping of toenails...ewwwww.
2.  If you peel off your socks to reveal "less than fresh" feet, please cover them with a blanket.
3.  Think of the plane as the house of someone you just met...would you take off your shoes and plop your feet on the coffee table?  Keep those paws firmly rooted on the ground.  Need a visual?  Don't do this........